A few months ago, my hubby gave me the day off. I spent the day searching my heart, praying, and reading the Bible. I had a book I had been slowly reading through, that I worked my way through journaling. Throughout the process of that day, God revealed several things about me that I didn’t know. One of those things was the passion He placed in my heart for those friend and members connected to the Apostolic Christian Church. He revealed what I already knew clear deep down inside me: that I wanted to minister to the girls, teens, moms, wives, and older women in the church I am in. Girls that are experiencing the same things I have been. Other ladies searching for God, searching for a relationship with Jesus. Just like I was. (And still do today) I realized helping overwhelmed moms, busy wives and discouraged singles is really who I need to serve.
I didn’t know what that all would look like. I still don’t.
I had already started a blog, and hadn’t told many people about it. I think that is all I thought it would be. Writing. Serving the Lord and others through my writing. I have many book ideas placed on my heart. I thought that was it.
Then one day a couple months ago, I was in my quiet time closet.
Here’s a snippet of my journaling that morning: * I read Psalm 145:1-3. I wrote “God has this amazing plan. He has everything orchestrated into our lives, the timing is just right. Then there is the power of satan, trying so hard to fight and ruin what is so perfect. It would be amazing to live life without the devil.”
As I sat there just thinking that through: God spoke so clearly to me. It wasn’t audible, yet so loudly and so clearly. He said, “‘Start an A/C Online Bible Study Website.” And I thought, “WOW!” I had never thought of it before in my life. For about 3 years now, I and a group of gals have been using another website’s reading plans and having a email study together. It has been simply amazing. I found a real relationship with Jesus through this. It has been amazing. So yes, of course this made sense; serve the people I have a heart and passion for, by sharing the studying method that changed my life. Wow.
I was blown away with the job assignment. Of course, I had doubts. (And still might if I look at the waves around me) Granted I had a whole 7 people listening to my blog. (one was my husband, one was me, and one was my editior-LOL) so that puts it down to 4 people, and one never opened the emails. Haha. So 3 people! And I just thought.. really?? Why would I try to start another website?
Throughout the next few days, He just showed me over and over, that though I felt unqualified, He was leading me to do this. He also impressed upon me that this is NOT just for members of the A/C church. This is for Friends, this is for spouses of people that grew up here, this is for our neighbors, this is for our friends, and ANYONE who has a desire to get into the Word and learn to know Christ better. He also laid on my heart that this is for MY daughters. I have four young girls, and this is for them. An easy way to help them learn to have a quiet time routine.
As time went on, I began to question again. So the Lord sent people into my path: friends who answered surveys I sent them, verses, circumstances. Then one of my dear friends, (one who had just started this Bible Studying with method with us) and I got the opportunity to talk. (No children at Sunday lunch, pretty much a miracle, right?) That day, she shared about how much this studying method has helped and encouraged her. She also said she was dropping out of our group. . . To start it with another group from her area!!! I was so overwhelmed by peace. Peace and urgency. Peace that yes, I must go forward, and Urgency that NOW is the right time. The next day she texted, saying that there is a second group formed and ready to start in her area. I just cried. And cried. So here we are. I have one and a half weeks left. Website is not ready. Study is not ready. Yet GOD IS READY. So I follow.
As I close this very long, very amazing story, let me share the prayer I prayed, that first day when God told me to start this. It fits my heart and feelings still today.
Remember, I had just written in my journal what I shared earlier (back at the *) Then God told me to do this, and this was the prayer I wrote that day: Oh wow! Your timing is interesting, I praise Thee for being so amazing. I feel excited, I feel nervous, I feel pushed to more than I am able. And it feels right. Because You are in Charge! Lead me! Thank You for showing me and calling me. Raise up people passionate about this to help me! Help me to keep the ownership of this in Thy Hands! Oh wow! Help me to remember Your timing is perfect. Help me to focus on what I need to do today. Amen**
And that is how I feel about it today. I feel excited. I feel nervous. I feel pushed to more than what I am able to do. And it feels right. Overwhelming, but right at the same time.
May He be Praised and Glorified by all that happens here; for it is HIS WORK!!
(((Whew! You made it to the end of my long story! Congrats!)))
– Trudie 🙂
**P.S. I won’t share my personal prayers much, I am not good at formal prayers, more just unfancy pleadings and crying out is what you will find in me. And I will spare you the details of that 🙂